Thursday, July 19, 2012

Worst Movie of the Year: I Award You No Points

Movie Review: Your Highness

Director: David Gordon Green

Reviewed: 19 July 2012

jamesintexas rating--zero stars, (lowest possible rating)

Shame on everyone involved in this unmitigated disaster of a film: Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, Justin Theroux, Zooey Deschanel, Toby Jones, and director David Gordon Green.  Pathetic and sad, a colossal misfire as well as a pungent waste of money, resources, time, including mine for watching this sludge.  A thirty-second preview for Danny McBride's uproariously filthy HBO show Eastbound & Down is funnier than the entirety of Your Highness, a wannabee-stoner film that cannot even milk its drug use for laughs.  Neither cursing, nor McBride's goofiness can save this film from falling to the bottom of the heap.  The very bottom.  There has to be a bottom, and this film is it.

Zero stars.   

So, I'm handing out punishments for this film, the lowest rating I've given for the entire year so far.

James Franco should be forced to watch his performance in this film on a loop over and over again with his eyes held open ala A Clockwork Orange.

Natalie Portman should have to return her Black Swan Best Actress Academy Award and never speak of her involvement in this film ever.

Justin Theroux should have to stop dating Jennifer Aniston.

And director David Gordon Green?

To paraphrase the classic film comedy Billy Madison, Mr. Green, what you've just created ... is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever watched.  At no point in your rambling, incoherent film were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational (or funny) thought. Everyone who has seen Your Highness is now dumber for having watched it.

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

1 comment:

  1. Agreed 100%. I had high (get it high?jk) expectations because Franco pulled a worthy stoner performance (wasn't he even nominated?) in Pineapple Express. Did he ever evaluate the writing to say at any point that this was crap?